Goldeneye: Rogue Agent

In celebration of the upcoming James Bond film, No Time To Die, being released October 8th 2021 let’s take a look at the different entries during the golden age of Bond video games on the PlayStation 2.

For past Bond title reviews please use the following links:

Agent Under Fire

007: Nightfire

Everything or Nothing

From Russia With Love

So full disclosure: if you’ve ever had any doubts about the lack of research and professionalism on this site here is a perfect example for you. For whatever reason, I had it in my head that Goldeneye: Rogue Agent was actually released after From Russia With Love. So here I was, plodding along thinking I was going in chronological order when I happened to skip over Goldeneye entirely. Like an idiot.

I also thought to myself, “well most fans don’t actually consider this game canon so I’ll just release it last as like a footnote” but decided against that too. Might as well just come clean. So bare in mind this game was actually released in between 007: Nightfire and Everything or Nothing.

Title: Goldeneye: Rogue Agent

Genre: First Person Shooter

Released: November 22nd 2004

Platforms: Xbox / Ps2 / GameCube

Developed: EA

Published: EA

Goldeneye: Rogue Agent is a strange entry. Easily the strangest Bond title to grace the PlayStation 2. In fact, most fans don’t include canon with the “PlayStation 2” timeline (Agent under fire/ Nightfire/ Everything or Nothing) but say it’s actually more in line with the PlayStation 1’s Tomorrow Never Dies/ 007 Racing. Wherever it fits it’s an interesting concept that has polarized fans and critics alike.

Most publications panned it for its title alone. Naming a game, Goldeneye without it having ANYTHING to do with the 1995 movie or 1997 video game of the same name.

On top of that it was beat up for its poor storytelling and short campaign mode but praised for its highly customizable multiplayer – which doesn’t do it any favors on this site because I have no friends.

Who Plays Bond?

Well for starters… the players don’t. Which took many by surprise right off the bat. In the first mission (that turns out to be an Mi6 simulation) you are on a joint mission with James Bond.

Jason Carter plays Bond briefly

Bond is only really mentioned once in the game andthat is at the beginning when you team up with him on an Mi6 mission. It is here where your story begins – when returning to the field after taking a bullet to the face, your agent fails a simulation and subsequently gets Bond killed. M discharges you from Mi6 as a liability. On your way out from being fired (Movies always had me believe spies get killed – not fired for this reason exactly) you take a look at a business card from Auric Goldfinger. Thus, your life of crime begins.

For those of you wondering who the fuck Jason Carter is, like I was, here is a brief analysis of his career thanks to Wikipedia:

Jason Brian Carter (born 23 September 1960) is an English actor, best known for his role as Ranger Marcus Cole on the science fiction television series Babylon 5.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen.

So if not Bond, who are you?

Well you are a former Mi6 spy only briefly mentioned as, “Mr. Hunter” but more commonly known as, “Goldeneye” which quite frankly, is fucking dumb.

First off, let’s start with the obvious here. The lengths that EA would go to try to capitalize on the word, “Goldeneye” in some sort of desperate cash grab to match the same amount of excitement that the original Goldeneye created on the N64 is laughable.

You name your game, Goldeneye and when you get called out on it by fans and publications you easily dismiss this as, “What? The main character’s name is Goldeneye. What else could we name it?”

The only good decision EA made with this title was rejecting my character name submission which was, Golden Schlong.

Moving along.

Goldfinger – also works with Francisco Scaramanga (The Man With The Golden Gun) who had doctors replace your eye that was injured in a shooting with a little tiny Golden computer that’s shaped like an eyeball. This golden eye gives you the ability to see through walls and hack computers which is totally stupid and doesn’t make sense but what can ya do?

Bond Girl(s)?

Yes two, actually and they are both arguably the most famous Bond girls in the franchise.

First we have the beautiful, bold and intelligent, Pussy Galore.

Pussy Galore

In this Bond timeline, Galore still acts as Goldfinger’s personal pilot. She aids Bond from mission to mission by flying him in and out via helicopter. A skilled pilot, Galore is a very capable ally of Bond.

Pussy Galore originally portrayed by Honor Blackman

Next we have a fan favorite and arguably, in my opinion the sexiest Bond girl of all time, sexual sociopath, Xenia Onatopp

In this timeline, Onatopp obviously didn’t meet her grizzly demise in the jungles of Cuba as she is alive and well working for Dr. Julius No’s crime syndicate. She is up to her usual shit, making life difficult for Bond as she appears randomly and messes everything up around her. Her above average strength, military background and unusually high bloodlust make Xenia a fearsome foe.

Onatopp played by the one and only Famke Janssen

Bond Villain

Well this is where the plot gets a little tricky because *TECHNICALLY* everyone is a sack of shit in the game. There is no actual protagonist. Even the character you ply, Goldeneye is devoid of all character and is basically about as interesting as one of the thousand henchmen he has to off.

But for the sake of getting through this entry and being able to move on the real “bad guy” is Dr. Julius No. You work for Goldfinger, who has developed some anti-molecular weapon of mass destruction named, “The Omen” and Dr. No basically steals it from him and since Auric Goldfinger is too fat to fit into any vents to sneak around in he hires you to do his dirty work. I’d like to say it gets more interesting than that but I don’t like lying to you.

Dr. Julius No

Goldeneye: Rogue Agent is the bastard child of fulfilling licensing contracts and mediocre ideasThe plot is nonsensical. The main character has about as much personality as a coffee mug. It becomes painfully tedious and repetitive after the first couple of missions not to mention just plain fucking difficult.

BUT, there are some positives about this game. Gameplay is smooth and the controller setup is novel. It’s very easy to dual wield any combination of guns throughout the game which adds a bit of fun to the mix. The soundtrack is by Paul Oakenfield which is solid if you’re into electronica but overall just like the agent you play as, Goldeneye: Rogue Agent deserves to be let go from Mi6

Overall: 68%

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