The Art of War Vii: A Simulated Life

Evidence for the suggestion we exist in a simulation is only growing stronger.

Every day, it seems the world is getting stranger, more depressing and honestly, just more fucking confusing. Like this clip of American action-star-has-been, Steven Seagal, share a carrot with Belarusian President and Kremlin lapdog, President Alexander Lukashenko. Moments like these have millions of people staring at the cosmos and simply asking,“Why?”

But, even the most mischievous Gods and Goddesses couldn’t play us this hard, right? Nothing in the known universe could be so cruel as to unleash something as vile as the mmm-bop boys on an unsuspecting planet, right? Only something as cold and calculating as machines could be so heartless. So, whose to say our universe as we know it, isn’t already a computer simulation programmed and ran by a higher functioning race, already? This belief is not only becoming more and more common amongst regular idiot yokels like, yours truly, but even higher thinkers, such as Astro-Physicist, Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson.

In mainstream media, the public has been most notably introduced to this concept through, The Matrix trilogy. (Locally, it was this site’s review of Enter The Matrix that began this entire rant). If you haven’t seen any of the movies, which I find difficult to believe, the overall theme is pretty simple: Human beings invented an artificial intelligence so advanced it quickly took over as the superior race and enslaved us. Now, using our bodies as a power supply, the machines have our brains plugged into a simulation – simulating the peak of humanity, 1999.

Now, I have to concede that I do agree with the machines there. 1999 might have been the peak of western civilization. But the simulation we currently might be living in isn’t backed by a Lenny Kravitz in his prime soundtrack. No, no our simulation has given us, Blake Shelton. Far more cruel, these machines.

Don’t look at me like that.

Moving on.

Let’s discuss some compelling arguments suggesting our possible simulated existence.

The Habitable Zone

I mean, cmon. What are the odds? Here is this enormous space, expanding every second of every day into infinity, leaving 99.999999999% of it a dangerous, radiated wasteland and yet here we are. Basking in the sun, nice and comfortable. I couldn’t give you the mathematical odds of that because I barely graduated high school but I don’t think it’s a stretch to say it’s pretty insane we landed right dead center in the, “Goldilocks Zone”.

The Fermi Paradox

An aspect of the Fermi Paradox which directly correlates with, Simulation Theory has been referred to as, “The Great Silence”. Essentially, The Fermi Paradox is the conflict between the lack of clear, concrete evidence that extraterrestrial life exists despite the high probability that it should. Proponents of the Simulation Hypothesis argue that this could be by design. That in this program in which we exist, we are designed to live all alone. Somehow, that seems more dreadful than the existence of aliens to me.

The Simple Fact That We Have Already Created Simulations

(Like..well…video games)

To absolutely no one’s surprise, world renowned, professional weirdo, Elon Musk recently weighed in on the subject, stating:

Elon Musk Is Delivering on His Promise of Free Starlink Satellite Internet Service to Ukraine
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The strongest argument for us probably being in a simulation, I think, is the following: Forty years ago we had Pong–two rectangles and a dot. That is what games were.

Now 40 years later we have photorealistic, 3D simulations with millions of people playing simultaneously and it’s getting better every year. And soon we’ll have virtual reality, we’ll have augmented reality. If you assume any rate of improvement at all, then the games will become indistinguishable from reality.

– Elon Musk on the Simulation Hypothesis

While I can’t say I disagree with the world’s ugliest AI sex doll, it is important to note that Musk took the actual real and intelligent thoughts of Swedish philosopher, Nick Bostrom, poured a can of Mountain Dew on them and threw them at a cardboard cut-out of Joe Rogan.

Bostrom’s thoughts on Simulation Hypothesis, put criminally simple is basically: if we are capable of creating a simulation then it is very likely something, be it humans or an advanced race, have already created a simulation and we’re currently living in some version of it.

Now For The Theory You Never Asked For

One of the most fascinating subjects I’ve come across when reading about anything and everything I can on the internet is, industrious insects. Specifically, Honey Bees. Not unlike Ants, Bees have strict job classes, roles and a militant discipline. Working tirelessly, they create honeycomb and honey. A delicious treat.

Another industrious species is Human beings. But instead of creating something sweet like honey – we’re really good at creating two things: More Humans and Carbon. That’s all we’re really good for at the end of the day. Fucking and polluting. Since the dawn of man – check out our track record. Sure there is arts and invention but really, all of that pales in comparison to procreation and planetary destruction.

So, what if there is a life form that needs Carbon? Feeds off it? Or it’s just a sweet treat? Maybe thousands of years ago they found a species that is really good at creating it and only gets better the longer the hive is around? What if there are millions of these little sphere hives? What if we have been colonized? But not in that weird, drop an alien egg in a volcano, Scientology bullshit (Scientologists, send your hate mail here), but as a small, almost inconsequential species that once in awhile produces enough of a carbon footprint that it can be skimmed off the planet and put on a piece of alien toast?

How can we be so sure one way or the other?

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